Desslok's Diary:

Drawing: Buchi

Lessons for Next Time

1. Next time, I will refuse to be filmed in bad lighting for nearly half a season. Blue IS beautiful.
   
   
2. The next time I see a planet I want to in habit, I will not first ruin it with radiation bombs. It just ruins the charm of the place.
   
   
3. Next time, I will think twice about staffing my Pluto base on Gamilon with idiots.
   
   
4. Next time, I will think twice about staffing my Beeland base on Gamilon with locals.
   
   
5. Next time, I will think twice about staffing my Balan base on Gamilon with egomaniacs.
   
   
6. Next time I will realise that we had a Gamilon base on Pluto, not a Pluto base on Gamilon.
   
   
7. The next time I encounter an enemy stupid enough to go crawling into a consipcuous-looking "tunnel satellite", I will know that they are probably not nearly the threat to my security that I had at first thought them to be.
   
   
8. The next time I am unexpectedly called back when I am about to defeat my enemy, I will defeat my enemy first, and afterwords seriously consider not returning to whomever calls. I repeat: Next time, pull the trigger BEFORE exchanging jokes and the latest gossip!
   
   
9. The next time I choose to build my headquarters on a planet, I will consult the local flood tables and reject any world that has even the slightest chance of being in the path of an oncoming galaxy.
   
   
10. The next time I build an empire from scratch, I will not staff its highest-ranking officers with local lackies who have no idea who my friends and enemies are.
    
    
11. The next time I build an empire from scratch, I will declare that any apparitions of divine women are really visitations from the "other side" of my own divinity.
    
    
12. The next time someone names a weapon using my name, it will have been thoroughly tested first.
    
    
13. The next time anyone tries to tell me who my "brightest generals" are, I will shoot them.
    
    
14. The next time any of my generals remind me of Abott and Costello or in any way make me laugh, I will shoot them before it is too late.
    
    
15. The next time I go for my massage from the men in my pool chamber, I will stay above the water. Have you any idea how shriveled one gets wading in the pool for so long?
    
    
16. The next time I develop a romantic interest in the leader of a nearby world, I will make sure that that leader does not have a doomsday weapon to hold over my head.
    
    
17. The next time I become supreme ruler of the galaxy, I will listen to the advice of my closest interplanetary neighbour.
    
    
18. Nevertheless, the next time I become supreme ruler of the galaxy, if I fail to listen to the advice of my closest interplanetary neighbour, and I learn that my neighbour is inviting my enemy on a course by my home world, then I will first move to another planet (just to be safe), and then quitely invade my neighbour's world and destroy whatever device my enemy is seeking from them.
    
    
19. Nevertheless, the next time I become supreme ruler of the galaxy, and my interplanetary neighbour does manage to invite my enemy by my doorstep, despite any other efforts I may take, I will NOT drag my enemy to my home planet, as it passes by, to defeat it there.
    
    
20. Nevertheless, the next time I fail to heed my own advice, and do drag my enemy to my own planet, I will first have thought not to hang my arsenal of missiles directly above my central headquarters city.
    
    
21. Nevertheless, the next time I fail to heed my own advice, and do drag my enemy to my own planet, I will first have thought to drag my enemy to an inflatable balloon planet instead.
    
    
22. The next time my advisor suggests that I am acting obsessively, and that my campaign to stop my enemy has grown so obsessive that I fail to consider greater concerns, I will listen to him instead of shooting him in the back.
    
    
23. The next time someone laughs at his own jokes, I will do worse to him than just show him out the door of my throne room.
    
    
24. Next time I will consider twice the wisdom of releasing a matter-consuming gas into my throne chamber with my entourage.
    
    
25. The next time I learn that my benefactors have planted a spy on my ship, I will at least not allow his transmissions to reach those for whom he is spying.
    
    
26. Starflies? They're quite amusing. But anyone who suggests they be let loose in the proximity of my own ships will be shot... BEFORE they can do so.
    
    
27. The next time I am 1 second away from pulling the trigger that will bring my enemy to complete destruction and defeat, I will not stop to deliver a taunting speech to them over the video screen, thereby wasting my precious advantage of surprise, and allowing my enemy to escape.
    
    
28. Next time, I'll consider the possibility that the people of another world might be capable of feeling the same kind of love that I feel for Gamilon -- before I try to destroy that world.
    
    
29. Next time, I not drink a toast to my victory until I have actually acheived my victory.
    
    
30. Next time, I will assure myself and others that the only battle that counts is the last one.
    
    
31. Next time, I will remember that love is the first casualty of a war.
    
    
32. Next time, I will remember that if you want something done, you have to shoot somebody yourself.
    
    
33. Next time, I will remember that sometimes simple solutions are the best.
    
    
34. The next time I will realize that having my forces kill the sister of my romantic interest is NOT a good way to impress my romantic interest.
    
    
35. The next time I will not underestimate my enemy, even if they are flying in an antiquated wreck.
    
    
36. The next time I will remember there is no such thing as a perfect plan.
    
    
37. The next time I warp myself into another dimension, I will not swear my allegiance to the first group of people who rescue me from there.

Photo Credits: The image at the top was, as best I can determine, taken from a drawing of Desslok done by an artist named Buchi. I do not know the artist for the image at the bottom left. Both are used without permission.